Dave Meurer: When you’re a little kid, and you have a sexual violent crime committed against you, and you have no idea, and this is a trusted adult, you are just totally in chaos and confusion. And you kind of shut down, go numb. So what I felt growing up was damaged. I’m a damaged person. I’m a bad person. I’m ashamed of myself. I would look in the mirror and say, “You are a freak,” and not know why.
Even after the abuse stopped, the emotional damage continued. Dave learned to use humor to keep people from seeing the hurt inside. Dave accepted Jesus Christ in high school. At first, however, his past shaped his views about God..

Dave Meurer: My first view of God was He looked a lot like Judge Wapner, and He was sitting up there ready to bang down the gavel. And yes, He loved us in kind of a ticked-off, obligatory sort of way. There wasn’t really any feeling there in my view of God, just a lot of guilt and a lot of trying to make myself good enough to somehow merit being okay with God. So it was a really unhealthy view of God.

Dave met and married Dale in college. They started a family as he pursued his career in government. But his secret wouldn’t go away that easily.

Dave Meurer: The trusted relative is back. And I was starting to panic, and I didn’t know why. It was really weird. I didn’t quite know, but it started to come back, and I thought I was crazy. I didn’t even know—I had shoved this into such a dark little compartment, I didn’t even know what I was upset about. In fact, I thought I was crazy, because I thought that stuff couldn’t have happened to me. I must have made it up.

Nobody knew the burden that he carried inside. But eventually, the facade started to crack, and Dale noticed.

Dave Meurer: She knew something was wrong. She knew there was a part of me that was just walled off to her, and she couldn’t figure it out. And my fear was if anyone really knew me, if my wife knew how damaged I was, she couldn’t stay with me. But this stuff wears you down, and eventually, I took this huge risk of actually being honest with my wife, and then waited for the shoe to drop. And it didn’t. And I had the incredible privilege of experiencing absolutely unconditional love. Being loved by my wife transformed my view of God, and helped me, and is helping me to understand who God really is and just how lavishly He loves me.

Experiencing that kind of acceptance didn’t just change his marriage, it changed his whole outlook on life and God. Eventually, Dave confronted his abuser and reported him to the police. He's put this behind him now, and has even been able to forgive his tormentor. Today, Dave works for the federal government. He still uses humor and writes funny stories about himself and his family, in books like Days of Our Lives and Stark Raving Dad. But this time, it’s for a different reason.

Dave Meurer: I had a thought that was, “Dave, you’ve kept humor your whole life as a way of pushing people away, and now you’re going to use it to bring people close.” Close to God, close to one another. Scripture is very important to me. Romans 8:28, that says, “In all things, God is working for the good of those who love Him.” It doesn’t mean everything is good, but it means that God never stops working, and I hold onto that.

When we’ve been hurt in life, we use all kinds of things. Sometimes it’s humor. Sometimes it’s anger. Sometimes it’s just coldness, to push people away, to keep them far away from us, sometimes to keep God far away from us. And when someone has hurt us or violated us, and we have terms like “secret,” “hidden,” “shameful,” those are things that also keep God far away from us. How do you break through that? You choose to let yourself love and be loved. It’s scary sometimes. It can be very scary, but oh, my friend, there is so much freedom on the other side of that. You don’t want to miss it. You do not want to miss what you were created for. You have a vacuum in your heart meant for only God to fill, and nothing will ever satisfy you until it’s filled with the one who created you. You can have what this man found. God didn’t take his humor away from him. He didn’t change the things that he cared about in his life, his family, his wife. He made all of it better. Let God come into the middle of your circumstance today. Maybe you’re someone who has held even the people you love the most at bay with your anger and your resentment, when it isn’t even them that hurt you. You can be free of that today. It’s a process, yes, but it begins with saying, “I want to know you, God. I want to be devoted and committed to you. I want you to have all of me.” It’s a great exchange. We give our brokenness. We give our problems. We give our sin in our own lives. That’s the things that’s separating you from God. It separates us all at some point. We give it to Him, and in return He gives us all of Himself, His power, His love, His forgiveness and the gift of eternal life. And here is the great news: It’s free. It’s not cheap, but it’s free, to any who will call upon the name of the Lord. Will you do that with me right now? Stop what you’re doing. Don’t miss out. Dave found it for himself. You find it for yourself today. No one can give it to you. You have to take it.

Let’s pray together. “God, I’m listening to this man’s testimony, and though my circumstances are different, I, too, have kept myself distant from you in ways that I can’t even explain. I’ve shut myself off from the people I love and care about the most. There are things that I’ve hated about myself, about my past, and today, I want to give it all to you. I am sorry for the things I have done that have been sin. You know each and every one. I know what they are, God. I’ve gone over them again and again and again in my mind, but today I’m giving it to you, and I’m letting go. Forgive my sins just as you promised, as far as the east is from the west. And then take the things that are broken in me. I lift them up to you today with shaking hands, and I’m asking you, God, to heal me, to fill me, to make me whole, to show me how to change, to teach me your ways, to touch the way that I think and the way that I feel, the way that I see others and even the way that I see myself, and especially the way that I see you. Thank you for caring about me and loving me. Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for freedom, for your love, for the gift of eternal life. I want it all, God. Come into my heart. Touch me. Teach me. Change me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen "